reliques

2006-12-05T00:31:00.000+08:00

I think i shall be moving domains soon. Maybe I will, but my new idea is just on the runways about to take off. But just in case, if I do not update here anymore, you'll know where my new thoughts can be found:

here

You'll understand why diaryland, why the url, why everything soon. It's just a zany idea. Until then,

goodbye.

2006-11-28T21:34:00.000+08:00

In my opinion, sweet, charming, romantic guys are the most dangerous kind of guys in the world. More dangerous than abusive, violent and drug-addicted guys. Because with those abusive guys, you know that they are dangerous. Your guard is always up when you're with them. With those sweet guys, you're swept off your feet. Even worse, you may let them into your heart unknowingly, without awareness that they can poison your heart within a split second. They form cracks in your armour, charm you till your guard is down, and then, bam, you're dead.

That's why sweet guys are the most dangerous. Because they will hurt you one way or another, sooner or later. But don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that abusive guys are not dangerous either.

Watched saving private ryan today. Finally, after waiting for... 1 year? sure felt like a long long time. I'm so surprised I still could remember the plot. But then again, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Sigh. Captain Miller. It's so sad knowing their fates when I "met" them. It's like, knowing they're going to die, but still hoping that they won't [which of course, they did]. Ryan's a nice name. But the book is still better than the movie. It was 3 long hours! My head still hurts.

Watched elektra too. They didn't mention matt murdock [daredevil]. How dare she. She's a super human. Hmmm. If only I could be like her. I mean, I wouldn't want to kill people for a living, but what she does is still... cool.

I want to watch hoodwinked. It's so bloody looong.

Took an evening swim. More like an evening soak, when cera suddenly wanted to play bridge. Yay. Won one and lost one game. Oh well. I need to brush up my bridge skills. What can I say? I'm not smart.

Eragon's coming out the same day as posting results. Nervous. But I guess I'll keep my nervousness for later.

Right. Got to go now. Nothing else more that is not private in my private life.

Christmas resolution:
1) Get immunised to guys in suits, sunglasses, uniforms, and especially all of the above.
2) Maybe I should just work on number 1 first, before I get another resolution.

2006-10-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I hope that tjc would accept me for the first three months and the next 2 years. I shall work my very best on trying to get there. I shall prove to my cousins that girls are NOT inferior to males. I know, you must be thinking, what century is this, right? but believe me, my not-so-immediate family still has that conventional and traditional thinking, that boys are always better than girls. How nice it would be to prove to them that for once, i [a girl] can do as well as [if not better] than their "smartest" boy. hmm. I hope my cousins never find my blog. haha. I wonder what would their reaction be when I tell them I'm in tj? *imagines jaw-drop, goldfish reactions* oh well. Let's just hope it'll become reality. Then for once i won't have to feel like i'm a lab rat, constantly under surveillance and on a tight leash.

it's kick-ass time. [a.k.a. study time]

2006-09-21T19:07:00.000+08:00

hmm. so bored. awaiting prelims to be over. just surfing the net for fun. will there be moderation? hope so. What will life be like for me in the next few years? Who knows?

Right. Pau asked me to update. so i'm updating. so now i shall leave. haha. this is a stupid post. ignore this.

haven't done something stupid in a long time.

ciao,
1907.

2006-09-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say. Everytime i decide to post an entry, i just end up deleting it. I'm feeling rather... empty. Like I'm seeing things through someone else's eyes, reading someone else's mind, moving someone else's fingers over the board...

I hope this time this post will be successful. Prelims are halfway over. I just dread taking back my results.

What's the purpose of life? Is reality what we know it as? Just for your info, people hear our voices differently from how we hear ourselves. Because we don't just hear our voices in the air, we use some sort of internal hearing from the fluids in our ears. And since sound waves travel faster through liquids relative to air, it sort of get different.

You know. Everytime I tell someone some amazing random fact, I usually get the same kind of responses. People looking at me as if i'm a freak. But what had i been expecting? Which just made me realise... some people want to attain ultimate knowledge. And I guess that's quite a wonderful goal to be working towards. But what's the use of knowing every secret in the universe without anyone to share it with? what's the fun of it? There's no more mystery to solve. and no more mystery means no more fun trying to solve it. And if there's no more fun... what's the use of living, then, assuming the ancient greeks were right in claiming that our purpose in life is to enjoy it?

2006-09-01T19:42:00.000+08:00

oh man! today was such a wonderful wonderful wonderful perfect day. *gives a dreamy sigh*

the library is such a wonderful place. whee. okay. that's my clue for filza and pau. oh man. so excited to tell them. but scared of their judgement. but i can't wait!

sometimes i think i'll just explode in excitement.

thank you for this lovely day, whoever you are! you just brought out the sun in my cloudy day!

2006-08-01T21:11:00.000+08:00

I soared above the songbirds
And never heard them sing
I lived my life in winter
And then you brought the spring

2006-07-22T19:44:00.000+08:00

why is my luck so horrible?

went to esplanade library today. Came 25 minutes early and did a mini recee. which involved walking around everywhere for 25 minutes. alone. Can be rather scary. Anyway, I was wandering around esplanade and I couldn't find the library at first. And I realised that it opened at 11am instead of 10am. Which meant we had about an hour to kill.

And guess where we ended up? At this music store where I made cera listen to a song. Or rather, lots of songs. And we went around the whole store [luckily it was rather huge] pulling out vcds and dvds and looking at the actors. okay, i'll admit it, i was the one doing most of the looking, but still...

We ended up spending half an hour there at the music store. Didn't even realise looking at vcd covers could be so interesting. Oh well, I guess there's a first time for everything.

And we saw ma'am yu ching and ma'am su yin there! at esplanade library! actually, they were waving to us. Or so cera claimed. She hit my bag and made me walk there. I was wondering why she was walking towards that particular direction, and I suddenly realised that the two people sitting serenely there were the two same people that headed our unit two years ago. gosh. Kirstie! you are so blur! *smacks forehead*

Anyway. Back to my bad luck. I think I went crazy seeing all those movie-based novels collected on that wonderous shelf. Haha. I just started pulling out books everywhere. BUT I COULDN"T FIND ANY MOVIE DVDS! those that i wanted to watch, that is. waaaah. but one good thing: i made cera borrow saving private ryan. whoo hoo.

high school musical has a funny plot. but the songs and dances are nice. So here are the songs:

what i've been looking for [reprise]
breaking free

2006-07-21T20:07:00.000+08:00

hmm. turns out quite alot of people were online yesterday. filza was online. I was online but had a busy status so didn't notice anyone arrive. Soo ming was appearing offline. Pau was... well. Pau was being her usual self and not talking unless someone talked to her.

I hope it's just my imagination going overdrive and not a sign.

there's this song that's rather nice. Ever watched high school musical? No, didn't think so. Anyway, breaking free is one of the nice songs in the movie, so this is the song fast-forwarded. And highly hilarious. I was laughing my head off even though my dad was behind me, I just couldn't help it. So click here.

Today's such a hot day. I ran 2 rounds [as usual] and played basketball. Nothing much, just shooting hoops until my aim went out. And purple spots were starting to dance before my eyes. Gosh. Such a long time before that happened to me last. Hmm. Sec 1, I think, footdrill. That was when I knew I couldn't take it and would faint any second.

right. So I guess I shall just sign off now, shall I?

{{EOS;;}}
1043.

2006-07-03T14:35:00.001+08:00

half year late. HMMM.

let's see. Counting down the days to prelims.

Had oral last friday. Actually, that was only 3 days ago, but it sure felt like a lifetime away. I don't think I shall dissect my performance on friday here, don't think anyone would be interested much. But then again, who's interested in my boring life? I thought the conversational thingy was more difficult than the previous day's.

Let's just hope I can scrape through this with a B. Shall not ask for too much. Just a B shall be enough, since I don't think I can get an A. It's funny, you know, I wasn't that nervous during my written paper than my oral. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, to experience more fear during oral? I just hope it's normal.

Oh, cera, read bloodline. Gosh. So did not expect John Shaw to turn out like that. Though Captain Harker had spent more time being evil than John, John's heart still turned out to be more blacker than the captain's. And he [harker] had some nice attributes to him too, so I guess he's not that bad. Poor Lilly. I guess she's the only innocent. Blah. I guess you're lost. Good.

I haven't been doing much, just eating and eating. Argh. I don't want to gain weight, you know [like who wants to?]. I must go on a diet. Haha. And I guess I don't really have the time to play basketball or run, since I have supervised and all. Luckily I have such a great partner, though she gets irritated easily and noisy more often than not.

I guess I really have nothing more to say. Just... I really hope that everyone have better lives than yours truly.

Oh! I nearly forgot. It totally sucks sometimes, having a brother. Because the saying about size matters? It so totally doesn't. He bullies me, for god's sake! And he kicks me EVERYWHERE. You name it, he kicked me there before. The back, the shin, the head... ARGH. He's so going to get it from me.

2006-06-25T14:37:00.000+08:00

Eos looks alot like Eros, right? yeah, I thought so. Both are Greek goddesses. The difference is that while Eros is the goddess of sexual desires, Eos is the goddess of dawn, or something like that. Oh, and check this out! - Eos is the iconic original from which Christian angles were imagined, for no images were available from the Hebrew tradition, and the Persian angels were unknown in the West. Isn't that just so cool? Eos. Hmm. Don't you ever dare to mistake her for the goddess of love. DON'T YOU DARE.

I just love my new template. I've been contemplating whether I should leave my old one up for a longer period or whether I should change it. But since I have 3 pending templates, I guess it's high time to put this up. Whee.

Watched princess diaries, and mean girls. All thanks to my wonderous [albeit weird] tutor. I mean, you buy dvds to watch them, right? Not just to let them sit at some corner to collect dust? That's what I thought, too. But oh well. Who's complaining?

Let's see. Tomorrow school is reopening. Urgh. One more step nearer to prelims. Do I dread it? I'd be lying if I said no, would I?

But at least I'd have something to look forward to. I think I'll miss marine parade libaray and this june holidays that are fast becoming history with every passing second. *howls into the night air*

2006-06-19T21:03:00.000+08:00

You're the kind of friend
Who always bends when I'm broken,
Like remember when...
You took my heart and put it back together again.
I've been wasting time with clueless guys but now it's over.
Let me tell you why I'm through
I've got someone new who's just like you!

You're it, You're the Ultimate,
It's automatic I'm sure of it.
No lie, So don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy.
Cuz I've been waiting all my life for someone just like you,
But you're it..You're the Ultimate you.

ultimate, freaky friday.

2006-06-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

After consideration, I guess I'll leave out the front parts and just include an excerpt. Yup, my Fathers' Day gift. Something like what I gave my mum last Mothers' Day, a poem. Except that this was much longer, rhymed, and used up much more of my brain cells.

Really, are there any words to cover this?
I find this question tough
Everything I want to say [including I love you]
Just doesn't seem to be enough.

But I guess I'd better take this time
To say those words I've meant deep in my soul
I can't possibly thank you enough
For you're the one who makes me whole

Thank you for being so many things
A source of understanding heart
Thank you for being my pillar of strength
Right from the very start.

Thank you for giving me the love
And showing that you care
So everywhere I go,
I know you'll always be there.

Thank you for painting my world a rainbow,
When it's filled with shattered dreams
Thank you for guiding me safely through
When everything's not what it seems.

Thank you for loving me
In your own special way
I know that those grumbles are not what it seems
But actually well wishes for a new school day.

So thank you for moulding me into the person I've become
Thank you for everything wonderful you do
Thank you for saying I love you deep down inside
Because I love you, too.

2006-06-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

i think love can be compared to drugs. why?

SIBLING LOVE is just like antibiotics. it's bitter, and you hate to eat it, but then you know it's good for your body.
CRUSHES/INFATUATION is just like estacy. it gives you an all-time high BUT even one bite is very unhealthy. AND addictive.
TRUE LOVE, on the other hand, is like taking vitamins. it's healthy for you, and you need to put in the commitment to remember to take it always.

came up with this list, soot and i, at the library yesterday. needless to say, neither of us got much studying done that day. argh.

SOOMING'S TOP TEN MR NICE GUY [FICTION]
1. dake [guy in sandra brown]
2. will [king arthur]
3. atticus [mockingbird]
4. qiying [not ying qi (:]
5. jack harper
6. the guy in far east [in which she was mesmerised by his eyes for 5 seconds and remembered him for life]
7. uncle jack [mockinbird again]
8. david [all american girl]
9. brom [eragon]
10. wisely [!!]

MY TOP TEN MR NICE GUY [VERY FICTION]
1. pbv
2. peter [needless to say]
3. scott [x men]
4. jesse [mediator]
5. jack harper [can you keep a secret?]
6. the hose [pianist]
7. captain miller [saving private ryan]
8. ben [chasing liberty]
9. bobby
10. conner

2006-06-10T20:24:00.000+08:00

ooh. i feel so accomplished today. yay. went to the library to study and study and study with soot, and then to popular, where i left my library book on the counter! but thankfully i managed to rescue my book before it got stolen. phew.

and then we stopped at a bakery shop to get egg-mayo-ham-and-cheese bun. yummy. except i didn't really find egg & mayo yummy. haha.ooh. me feeling huunngrrry...

actually, i can't really wait for monday to come. yay. except that stupid cedar paper gave me a headache. it's as if it were full of buzzing bees. stupid math. but it's needed. i must study!

gosh. i'm sounding more and more like a nerd. oh well. i guess i'd better start being one if i want to get somewhere next year. argh.

FURBALL.

2006-06-09T20:34:00.000+08:00

3 hours of history and 4 hours of a math. in short, torture. argh.

my brother is bullying my grandma. seriously. talk about kids not understanding. sigh.

mrs chia came to our class to get our supervised studies consent forms. gosh. so serious. i think there were some who skipped class, and i guess their luck was really horrible, that the vice principle decided to pop in here today of all days. so scary. it was as if everyone had held their breaths; as if the whole weight of the air was pressing down on us. it's as if she came to announce that exams were tomorrow! yeah! hmmm. at least to me, it felt like that.

but enough about mrs chia. came home with such a tummyache. and i was so... scared that my tutor would come when i was in the loo, so i rushed to bathe. and oh my gosh, i dropped a bunch of hairs! like as if i was receiving chemo or something. and in the end she came fifteen minutes after i stepped out of the loo. sigh.

going to eat dinner. kfc. argh. more fats.

2006-06-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

oozie. the ironic thing of reading narnia is that you don't ever want to read it finish, but then you want to know what's the end. it's a really really nice [but short] good book. fantastic. too bad it ended already. history dragged on as usual. or rather, more than usual. i don't really get the reason for the rush. and i thought miss saffah would get angry; she looked angry for once. and like mrs lopez said, she's giving up her own personal time too! and after all, it's for our benefit. even if we are in a rush, we should after all try to hide it the best we can. but it's all over. what can we do now? i just think that we should have better manners. be more respectful. nothing much happened. just that i tried to teach my brother chess. i remember i had a period of chess-craze too, in the past. and as usual, when i ate everything except his king and 3 pawns, he had it and just knocked all my pieces off the board. i've suddenly lost interest in movies. sighhh. like a dull period of no interest. just good ole dull grey. oozie. the ironic thing of reading narnia is that you don't ever want to read it finish, but then you want to know what's the end. it's a really really nice [but short] good book. fantastic.

too bad it ended already.

history dragged on as usual. or rather, more than usual. i don't really get the reason for the rush. and i thought miss saffah would get angry; she looked angry for once. and like mrs lopez said, she's giving up her own personal time too! and after all, it's for our benefit. even if we are in a rush, we should after all try to hide it the best we can.

but it's all over. what can we do now?

i just think that we should have better manners. be more respectful.

nothing much happened. just that i tried to teach my brother chess. i remember i had a period of chess-craze too, in the past. and as usual, when i ate everything except his king and 3 pawns, he had it and just knocked all my pieces off the board.

i've suddenly lost interest in movies. sighhh. like a dull period of no interest. just good ole dull grey.

2006-05-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

know about how people go on describing how right they feel in someone's arms?

keith is so nice to hug. like a big big soft toy. except without the itchy fake fur. (: but that's when he's in a nice mood and lets you hug him and sits nicely on your lap like a big comfortable soft toy.

FURBALL.

2006-05-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

chinese Os are over.

phew.

went to watch x men. yay.

and guess where we went to again? yeah. ps. hmm. and we saw ma'am yun qi. haha. somehow, she looked different. and pau shrieked when she saw her. gosh.

today has been a slack day. i shall study and study and study tomorrow.

FURBALL.

2006-05-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

yo.

just realised the time. 11pm.

and my mum is still mopping the floor.

tell me, like who except crazy maniacs mop their floors at 11pm?! for christ's sake, it's nearly midnight. it's the middle of the night! when most people should already be far away in dreamland!

and my mum is still mopping away.

2006-05-18T22:54:00.000+08:00

had really intensive remedial today. yeah.

watched a bit of netball. i really want to watch the full thing. oh well. at least i was there for a while.

we watched this really funny video in you-tube. TEN-TEN. hee hee. keith was laughing his head off. blahh.

you know, there are so many nice nice shows coming up soon. and i have to take my Os this year. I shall just have to push back and keep on delaying. and cook up more excuses. you know, i feel so bad lying. It makes me feel irritated with myself and the world. but do i have any choice? oh well. i guess i did promise... though... i can't really remember. i guess it's something i would have to fulfill one day.

ONE MORE DAY TO THE RECYCLING COMP! i just pray that everything will turn out alright. just like everything worked itself out for tomorrow. i really hope that our efforts will pay off. no props; how to win? i hope our voices can really stun them.

4-fivers, if we don't win... i'm so so sorry. but don't worry, we will try our best!

cross your fingers for us, alright?

2006-05-16T21:05:00.000+08:00

think i'm going to change my layout soon. yay.

2006-05-14T18:32:00.000+08:00

Things you probably do not hear:
-hearts breaking
-a tear's journey from your cheek to your shoe
-wind brushing past your cheeks
-thoughts whirring in your brain
-a smile
-a flower blossoming
-an eagle circling the sky
-an ant carrying its load back to its nest
-a dragonfly skimming over the lake
-your soulmate's love for you.

2006-05-06T16:20:00.000+08:00

i... ah...

can i break my promise i made to myself? i guess not. but i'm dying to burst out and talk about it...

but i shan't.

I can be vague though, can't I?

But I guess I'd rather not. Whatever for? To let others scorn me? And I'd better not break the promise. Argh.

It's a tough burden to keep, you know?

2006-05-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

Queen victoria ruled for SEVENTY years. 20 June 1837 - 22 January 1901. Wow. I’m awestruck by that. Plus she was of German descent. So during world war 1, Britain had relatives in German. Must have been a tough time for everybody. During her early years, she was only taught German, because it was the language of her mother and her governess. Hmm. That was even when she was high in the line of succession. And she eventually learnt Italian, Greek, Latin and French. And English, of course. Wow. And here I am, struggling with only ONE pathetic mother tongue… King William IV, her predecessor, had no legitimate children but had ten illegitimate children. Wow. He must have hated marriage really badly, yeah?

In 1876 she was crowned Empress of India.

She met her future husband, Prince Albert [who was a minor German prince] when she was just sixteen. Took over the throne when she was eighteen. She had about 9 children? And therefore her marriage was seemingly happy, although there was talk that her husband did not love her and only entered a relationship with her to "garner social status" and out of "a sense of duty".

talk about mind-blowing.

well. it's the aftershocks after the earthquake. the time for laughter or tears. got back my results. i'm terrified for a math... don't know what i will get back. Oh no, what if I do very badly? Although it's only mid-years... how am i supposed to make that huge leap if I am supposed to attain my goal at the end of the year? I'm only a human, and humans get deterred too.

life's boring so far. shan't comment anymore.

2006-04-29T20:01:00.000+08:00

a year has 365 days for you to study.

after taking away 52 sundays, there are only 313 days left.

there are 50 days in the summer, during which time it is way too hot to study, so there are only 263 days left.

we sleep [for some of us only] 8 hours a day meaning that, in a year, that counts up to 122 days, so now we're left with 141 days.

if we bummed around for only 1 hour a day [watching tv, having showers, doing nothing], 15 days are gone, so we are left with 126 days.

we spend at least 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year.

we spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days.

exams and tests take up at least 35 days throughout the semesters. hence you are only left with 46 days to study for finals.

taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left with 6 days.

say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days in the year to study!

now let's say you go out for 2 days, you are left with one day left!

but that 1 day is your birthday, so... good luck to everyone on your exams!

but if you do horribly, now you know why! it's simply not your fault!
from here.

went swimming today. watched i not stupid too at cera's house too. i don't seem to have lost much weight. argh. but i'm much much much tanner. haha. i was tanning by the pool. and pau and qi, i so do not look like a model for my watch! haha. but oh well, i'm honoured, though i know it's not true. :D

what's with the church craze?

blah. no one's online.

2006-04-29T00:16:00.000+08:00

Hope was but a timid friend;
She sat without the grated den,
Watching how my fate would tend,
Even as selfish-hearted men.

She was cruel in her fear;
Through the bars one dreary day,
I looked out to see her there,
And she turned her face away!

Like a false guard, false watch keeping,
Still, in strife, she whispered peace;
She would sing while I was weeping;
If I listened, she would cease.

False she was, and unrelenting;
When my last joys strewed the ground,
Even Sorrow saw, repenting,
Those sad relics scattered round;

Hope, whose whisper would have given
Balm to all my frenzied pain,
Stretched her wings, and soared to heaven,
Went, and ne'er returned again!
--emily bronte, author of wuthering heights

today was such an eventful day. so full of laughter, at least for now.

well. so now it's just me and my comp. and i found out how elastic my parents' time can get. they said they would only spend half an hour listening to today's rally, and yet they took 2 hours. hmmph. and they refuse to tell me about it!

had a talk by dr william tan. truly awe-inspiring. his video... nearly made me cry. but i'm stronger emotionally now, than what i used to be before. though i sometimes do still indulge in that one weep or two.

i can't wait for tomorrow! and i can't wait to get the tickets to watch string and dance. i should support dance, regardless of the treatment and attitude of dancers they showed us. can't wait for drama too.

feeling so like holidays have arrived. and looking forward to monday! another slack day. yippee.

awaiting my vcd. surfing the net. i've found a new hobby, doing research! yeah. literally and of literary people this time. but i guess i can always make a few exceptions... (:

blinking away the sleep. i hope i don't drown tomorrow. brr.

2006-04-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

trekked from plaza singapura [dhoby ghaut] to orchard. whee. so fun.

awaiting my ever-dearest teacher to loan me her ever-dearest student her vcd. yippee.

school starts again tomorrow. but at least monday is LABOUR DAY! sighs with happiness.

for once i'm thankful our mid-years are early. so i can sit back and laugh at everyone.

okay, that's rather mean of me. i can't do that, i still have prelims and the final "tsunami" to tide through anyway. oh perdition.

heh. me not infatuated yet. good. that means that period is drawing to a close. that sounds wrong. haha. but i guess my dear friends will know what i'm talking about.

Though love repine, and reason chafe,
There came a voice without reply,-
“’Tis man’s perdition to be safe
When for the truth he ought to die.”
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

2006-04-24T12:29:00.000+08:00

I can't get out of bed today
or get you off my mind
I just can't seem to find a way
to leave this love behind

big giant spider up in my study room. yikes. *gnaws on nails*

exceeded my free messages. can't send out any more. awww. think ma'll scold me. ):

2006-04-23T15:33:00.000+08:00

nightmare came true yesterday. urgh.

i was horrified beyond horrified, speechless beyong thinking... i saw his family! and he saw mine! argh. i'm traumatised. you know, i didn't realise it until his sister came... then i was thinking to myself, "is that his family?! please don't let him come up the stairs" and then he came up. argh. the lift saved me. but the lift is sort of like the place where we had "met" [accidentally!!], so it's really its fault. thank god for my brother... or i wouldn't know where to stare at. gosh. the seconds in the lift seemed like eternity, like a held breath...

this is a NIGHTMARE. ack.

2006-04-21T16:16:00.001+08:00

in the middle of my mid-years.

there's a saying that once you're busy with work, you'll forget about your grieving heart. although it's only temporary. well, i didn't use to believe in that, but i found out recently that it works for me too. i'm subconciously throwing myself into things with passion and enthusiasm, so that the only time my heart is grieving is when i'm trying to fall asleep. but sleep eludes me.

living corpse.

how i wish i am so tired until i am able to fall asleep before i hit the sack. to drop dead. literally.

2006-04-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

i can carry my bro! considering he weighs as heavy as primary school cera. haha.

so. sang a few disney songs and my bro fell asleep. the power of lullabyes.

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where i've become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping
somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home wake me up inside
wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before i come undone
save me from the nothing i've become

2006-04-15T12:08:00.000+08:00

it hurts. it hurts so much...

i wish i can just rip out my heart and not feel anything anymore. never mind if i die along the way. never mind if i don't feel anything anymore. i just want the hurting to stop. that's how much it hurts.

i want the pain to stop. anything...

i hate myself.
it hurts. it hurts so much...

2006-04-13T22:38:00.000+08:00

i'm pining for him
And it's hurting my heart
I don't wish to stop
But it's tearing me apart.

I don't trust myself. how can i? if you are me, you won't trust yourself, either.

2006-04-11T22:54:00.000+08:00

mrs tan was doing letter writing today. she showed us an example. and the letter started with, "dear uncle ben".

i didn't mean for it to get out. seriously. but it still did. and i realised a nanosecond later it came from my mouth. oh christ. can you believe it?

i was seriously embarrassed. it just slipped out. "ben". haha. i slapped a hand across my mouth. aisyah raised her eyebrows in shock and said, "kirstie ahh..." and ying qi was like, "kirstie! what's wrong with you?" haha. oh god.

2006-04-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

beh. farewell. over. happily awaiting my presents.

talking in farewell was so nice. sat outside the door, watching people fish... it was as if time stopped. and in a way, it really did... for me. someone said that time was only a measurement of man. there's this proverb that time flies like an arrow when you're not noticing... but time really crawled. that's probably the closest i'll get to living rural life. i don't mind time crawling.

anyway. we were there sitting on the steps, the five of us: fil, pau, quek, tang... telling each other our romance stories. time seemed to stop. and if only it really did stop for us... if only... but one can only wish. and guess what? i told them of mine. i have never told anyone of it, ever, never even written it down. and yet i told them that night. cool. maybe i have finally let it go? to be able to smile about it when i look back, but really shedding tears like rain behind.

suspect zero. vigilantes again. hmm. the hose.

help. i need to talk to someone... and i know just the person. i shall just wait and bid for my time. (:

i can't wait for my presents! i hope it's something good :D

2006-04-06T21:01:00.000+08:00

random thoughts
this is crazy. stupid me.

yay. i bought all of my presents. i hope i don't break that thing. don't worry, you'll find out tomorrow.

i love my new slippers. i don't care what ma says.

farewell tomorrow.

i hate myself. again. falling into the same trap again and again.

mistaken identity.

internet back up.

you know, it doesn't take much to make me sick. really.

i'm emotional. is that a strength or a weakness? like lucy.

i want to search for my historic person. badly.

i can't. bring myself to forget, i mean.

i just can't.

i can't bring myself to be who i am not either.

how?

2006-04-03T21:36:00.000+08:00

just realised something. i'm a loner. it's so scary. after my 4 years in secondary school, i'm going to graduate and say, "yes, my years are perfect, i have lots of friends by my side, many of whom are pillars of strength at times", but i won't be able to say, "i have this really close friend i leant upon during my four years in tkgs, and she has used my shoulder many times too".

i'm a loner. i'm going to graduate, like what mr teo said, "with breadth but no depth". it's not a good thing being a loner.

2006-03-25T16:45:00.000+08:00

there's a street in singapore called miller street.

whee. (:

2006-03-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

oh no man. i'm starting to panic. ACCREDS!! ahhh!

the sec 4s are not supposed to take. phew. but i'm nervous. i have not yet taught sec 1s ANY SINGLE THING. oh no. and evac accred is just a week after they take over. how? will er... my successor know what to do? and i want to go and see them take it. But yet i'm afraid to do so.

just had mass evac theory. If i'm allowed to say it... i think it was really B-O-R-I-N-G. i think i'm a lousy evac teacher. the quiz i gave them... they gave me rubbish and i will give them rubbish back. they reap what they sow. but yet...

my results are horrendous. i'm not performing as well as i would want to be, am expecting to be, and should be. oh no?

i don't know what to do. can someone just shoot me?

2006-03-23T20:16:00.000+08:00

I'm thankful for your love
For passion strong and true
I shall leap in with faith
To give my soul to you.

2006-03-19T22:34:00.000+08:00

Back from camp. Finally. Camp was … exhausting. Well. Slept for only half an hour during the first night. Stayed up to settle Day 2’s programme. Well. If my Day Commandant sleeps, I will sleep. If my Day Commandant bathes, I will bathe.

Lost 2 kgs. Maybe it’s from those sleepless nights, or the hours spent in the toilets. You know, the funny thing is, I wasn’t the only one. Suddenly, more than half of the sec 4s had a serious case of constipation. I guess it’s the lack of proper diet. But then again, during camp, which sec 4 gets her 8 hours of sleep, or eats anything proper? I survived on junk food but yet managed to lose 2 kgs. Hmm.

Camp has made me kuku. Seriously. I did something really stupid. But that shall just me, my family, soot, and tang’s secret. A stupid mistake. Should I blog about… that person? Haha. guess not. Maybe some other time.

p.s. kevin, did i change my blog template? it seriously looks the same to me. unless someone knocked my head with a golf club. (: maybe it's been a long time since you last visited.

2006-03-14T21:44:00.000+08:00

ahhhh! ahhh ahh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!

2006-03-12T22:13:00.000+08:00

Noooo! I so do not believe it… they didn’t watch finish! Nooooooooooooo… this is not possible… and they didn’t see him either… waaahh…nooooooooooo…. Someone kill me right now…. to live with that heartbreak is not worth it...

Heh. Just joking. Take no notice of me. Going insane. As usual.

blue or green?

2006-03-11T22:25:00.000+08:00

5 more minutes!

2006-03-11T21:58:00.000+08:00

ahhh! so many nice things happened today. okay, maybe not really.

went to school to soak STUPID FIREWOOD today. haha, and although the message passed down was complusory, not everyone turned up. argh. and only one was early/on time. and i was late. actually, i wanted to wake up at 7am to study as well. but 7am came and went but i just couldn't wake up. so i adjusted the time to 8am. but the stupid thing was that i didn't switch the snooze button on! so i woke up at 8:30am instead. in which i was so late. argh. but i met cera at the sidegate. which was locked. blardy.

anyway. soaked firewood. and played basketball. i don't know which is worse, playing basketball when you are sad, not concentrating because you have other things on your mind, not scoring goals because you are preoccupied and therefore feeling even more sadder that you can't even will a ball into that damn hoop...

anyway. apparently my emotions were written all over my face for those who saw. fortunately there weren't many.

anyway. after that, i simply didn't have enough time to feel sad. or to contemplate my L1R5. oh! and guess what? the day i've been waiting for so long has finally arrived! the pianist is showing tonight at 10:30pm! at channel 5! oh man... whoever who decided to show the pianist on a saturday night... i love you loads! haha. seriously. whee~ and thanks to pau's brother for telling pau that the pianist is showing tonight. and thanks to pau for telling me that. hee.

i must be faithful to peter. haha. you know... good thing "peter" is a very common name, or the person would realise, right? haha. hmm. qi reminded me of it. qi, don't worry, that person was just a ... nice distraction. haha. really. oh and yeah pau, don't take it the wrong way. (:

anyway. i was eating out at KFC with qi pau sam soot. soo ming was so... *disgusted beyond words* and started the eating-the-straw competition. ewww. and oh... to see the facial expressions on soot's and pau's face... i wish i had a video cam. and soo ming can actually fall asleep while drinking coke! oh goodness.

yay. the show is starting in about 18 minutes' time. starting a countdown!

2006-03-08T22:07:00.000+08:00

watched much ado about nothing. i know, i'm not a lit student, but seriously. It's not as if one more person in the avt would make much of a diff.

for a long time, i couldn't make out what on earth were they proclaiming about. Their actions were... entertaining to watch, to say the least. But at least i did understand the sentimental lines they were serenading to each other.

my favourtite character would most probably be... Benedict. he's funny. haha. Somehow he strikes me as the shortest fellow of the four, but he isn't really. or is he? but then, ~~claudio has really really beautiful eyes.~~ oops, did i really type that out? i guess it's really worth dying for, as Hero had proven. (: But Claudio seems rather prone to kneeling around and crying. 3 times he knelt in the show. not that i'm counting, of course. And Shakespeare [not god] has been cruel to Claudio and Hero. Hero's the girl, the susan-lookalike, by the way. They had to endure so many hardships... like second-guessing if the other person likes them [which of course they do], and that time when Claudio thought the Prince was wooing Hero [but it turned out the prince was wooing Hero for him] and especially the time when Hero got slandered. ~~That was the time when i~~ never mind. you didn't see anything, okay?

New poem. Wrote it during Social Studies. Mrs lopez was talking about something that was related to HDBs [because that was the topic] and i just got out a pen and a notebook. In fact, it was as if my pen/hand had a brain of its own and could read what i wanted to get out on paper...

is it what i really feel? maybe. maybe not. i don't know -- but most prob no. It doesn't rhyme at all, but i really don't care. It's symbolic... though of what i'm not sure. unrequited love? nah. it's something more... vague, more on the surface, more deeper... [is there even such a thing as more deeper?] Someone asked me who it was written for/to. But the thing is, i myself do not know. Maybe that's why he's always lurking in the shadows, only a flicker of his form. Just something within my grasp -- i can feel it, but unable to see/touch it. Yeah. The King of my Shadows. This is for you.

Where are you?
I see your shadow
I hear your voice
I feel you there,
hiding in the dark.
As i reached out
you took form
I saw your smile
I touched your face
felt your breath
upon my cheek.
But you slipped
from my grasp.
With a smile
and a last look back
You left a black hole
in my heart.

2006-03-05T22:36:00.000+08:00

this template is for Bring Me Back To Life, talentime dance o6. yeah. although this ballerina does remind me a bit of the statue in the school foyer. but never mind.

2006-03-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

most recent news. our team won silver for videos award! oh yes. this is really a good day. or rather, good night. hah.

2006-03-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

fdc 06 finished today. about 5 months worth of training ended within ONE afternoon.

really thankful that we got into national. We achieved so much for this competition... champions for east distric, best footdrill comander, and third for nationals... yay. so it all wasn't for nothing. thank you, whoever who's up there watching. let me just say the rough agenda. though i think it wouldn't be accurate, since everything went by in a blur.

6:10am: stare into space. not supposed to wake up yet.
6:15am: still staring into space. not thinking of fdc in particular.
6:20am: alarm rings. hit snooze button. stares into space.
6:25am: better start moving my butt.
6:55am: stares at clock and thought, better start going off now. or i'll be late. starts looking for hairpins.
6.57am: looks in uniform to see where's my hairnet and bun net. couldn't find. have to go up again. dad irritated.
7.10am: found pins in toilet. no idea why they were there. found hairnet and bun net in beret.
7.25am: reached school. rcr was a flurry of activties, of people ironing, stripping, taking pictures...
7.50: bus came, and we boarded the bus.
anyway, when we reached bendemeer, we registered, blah... don't really feel like updating anymore... oops. anyway. i don't have the mood... so sorry. when i do have it, shall go and blog again.

go fdc 06! in about ten years' history!

2006-03-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

ahh... fdc 06. farewell. camp[fire]. i'm hurtling towards them, helpless. without any life buoys. oh no.

2006-03-02T22:04:00.000+08:00

boo. took many many pictures today. but i did not accomplish what i set out to finish today. urgh. have to bring my cam again tomorrow. the irritating thing is that the quality is lousy. urgh, i hate it.

my life is so... bland lately. i so miss the december holidays. i am desperately trying to get over you-don't-know-what. but like qi, failing. urgh. i hate the bleakness that is my life. urgh.

2006-03-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

Her beauty so pure,
Simple and true,
Has me feeling,
This way that I do.

It's love that I feel,
It's burning inside,
This flame that has been lit,
Will try hard to survive.

Is it the sound of her voice,
Or the smile on her face,
That's maikng my heart pound faster,
With each passing day

I know it sounds crazy,
It's hard to explain,
I don't know how to tell her,
That I feel this way.

If given the chance,
I'd make her my girl,
Hand her the heavens,
And show her the word.

But I'll keep this my secret love,
Something I desire,
Hide it from her,
And dance in the fire.

ice poem. found it somewhere. hmm. footdrill com in 3 days. i guess. and camp in exactly 2 weeks time. and there's still lots to do. like soaking of firewood, making 120 souvenirs and 120 paper bags... this is just madness. thank goodness CAs are all over. or i guess i'll be collasping again. oh no.

i found my red cross tee yet again! cool. and guess where it was hiding? AT MY BROTHER'S CLOSET, of all places! for one month! or rather, it felt more than one month.

waah. i want my book back. i'm in a romantic mood now. but most of the time, i think i am, so it doesn't really make a great big diff.

darn. dad's chasing me to sleep. but it's only 1020pm. oh well. body repair time is 11pm-1am. so if you want to study sleep during that time. so bye for now.

2006-02-28T22:07:00.000+08:00

hmm. this shall me my blog, since dx is down. sad. if dx will someday get back up, i will go back to dx. so sorry, blogspot, but i don't think i'll be pledging my loyalty to you for a long while.

anyway. have to get used to blogspot. *miss dx* anyway, i took 2 days to think up of a blog url that wasn't yet taken up by someone. grr. and i had to use dictionary.com. haha. anyway. the orignal word, relic, means something that has survived from the past. and it's derived from the french word, relique. see the link? but since "relique" was already taken up, so i had to include "s". but i don't think there's such a thing as "reliques". and i always imagine it as "relinquish". hmm.

my grades are... horrendious. yeah. i'm so afraid... oh man.

fdc is in... hmm. 4 days! oh no! but training with tkss is kind of fun.haha. separated by the fence. and we were calling "hao ning" like some love-sick people. and the guys sitting there were looking at us. oops. and qi saw lays. i didn't. haha, oh well. i don't care.

i shall take dx's crash as a brand new start to my blog. hmm. know what? the word "blog" is derived from the word "weblog". some guy separated it to "we blog". cool isn't it?

i must remember not to burst out laughing whenever i talk online. soot made me laugh out loud once, and my dad, who was sitting behind me, told me off immediately and shooed me up to do my revision. AGAIN. and he repeated whatever he said that night in the next morning. ohhh man.

kae. guess i should go off now. it's now 6am (: